I want to end it all, i just want peace

She was my world, she helped me at my lowest when i was bedridden for 7 years and suicidal. I did too, we overcame so much together. We got along like no one in this world even until the very day she abruptly left me and replaced me in 7 days.

I've tried everything, therapy, talking to old friends, volunteering, trying to meet new people, sports. But they all feel so hollow, distractions from dying at best. In this time of need, my family only know how to emotional abuse and guilt me.

I know should have never been so dependent on her. But i was. Im grateful she reminded me what happiness was for awhile, she helped me forget how broken i was. I just want peace now. I have written suicide notes to thank her and apologise.

I just want peace now, it's scary that it feels nice to admit that.