I don’t know what I’m doing.

(28F) I’ve planned it all out hundreds of times. Played it in my head over and over.
I think I keep waiting, hoping my relationship will get better after two years (38M), but after I set some deadlines for October here we are September and he told me he most likely won’t do any of them.
I already decided in my head if he decides no on them by the end of October (I’ll be 29 October) I’d finally follow through. But now that he’s admitted he can’t fully take accountability and commitment I need by then even, I don’t know if I should just do it now and save the heartache.

The reality is, it will never matter how pretty I am. How funny I am. How loving I am. How much I nurture. What I sacrifice. What I provide emotionally or financially. How much I let slide. How much I forgave the cheating and lying. How accepting the carelessness or hurtful words.
Every relationship I’ve ever had has taken advantage of me and all I have left to show is the wasted years and trauma left by it…

I was really hoping things would change.
I should have done it months ago…