More like girl brunch: Hashbrowns, Over easy eggs, bacon, and avocado.

 For the longest time, I've (F18) felt like the family disappointment. I don't want to chalk it up to middle child syndrome because technically I'm the second youngest, but the majority of my life as I remember it was spent with my older sister and younger sister in the house (making me the middle of the house). My brothers had moved out then.   
 Since my older sister moved out, the idea that my little sister (F15) is "the golden child" has grown. To me at least. She's the one my parents will listen to, they'll bend over backwards to do things for her, they'll buy her things even though she has her own money, etc. I don't get this treatment as much as she does. If I do, I'll get more complaints from my parents. Also, my sister has been extremely hostile lately. She'll say things to me after I ask a simple question that are just plain rude, she'll yell at me for little things I do wrong or if I've left something somewhere, or she'll just insult me for fun and my parents won't say anything. Her favorite thing to do lately is catch me eating and straight up call me fat. It could be an apple. I know she likes to joke but it's happened so many times it's getting to me a bit. I admit, when I was little I wasn't the nicest person to my sister but it was never to the extent that this was but I always got shit for it. Even if I didn't mean for it to hurt her. Anyways I have a specific incident today to talk about that was triggered by an activity I was asking permission to do.

 My friends and I wanted to take a road trip to visit our mutual friend (F18) for a Halloween party at the UC she attends. I dreaded asking my parents because my dad is known to be quite difficult when letting me do my own thing, especially since I've been 18. I choked out responses to his questions as I stumbled through my plan and he said he's not fully against it but hasn't said yes yet. Shortly after, my mom and I were joking about how hard my dad can be and she got a bit technical on me. Talking about how it can be difficult to trust me because I struggle with keeping up with my chores around the house. I'm not denying it, but it hurt a little. For context, my little sister and I swap doing the dishes and cleaning the counters with cleaning the litter box and sweeping the kitchen floor every week. It's harder for me to keep up with the weeks where I have to do the litter. Why? I honestly don't know. I have priority issues and I'm aware. I'm trying. They compare that with being able to be trusted with going out and having fun. I can kind of see where they're coming from but I don't completely get it at times.

 This made me think about how little reprimand my little sister gets when it's her turn to do the opposite chore, the dishes. She will often fall asleep or forget about it before she can do them and my parents will either do it for her or tell her to do them in the morning, saying "she had a long day at school (as a sophomore) and she had a bunch of homework. She's tired". I remember the day I forgot to do the dishes once and I woke up to my dad screaming at me. He ripped the blankets off of me and told me to do the dishes immediately. It was about 8am. Since then I never forgot, but she gets passes? At this time, I was a senior in highschool trying my hardest not to have to repeat the year. Lately my dad will get mad at me if there's a few more dishes in the sink than normal on her dish week because "It's only \[him\] and \[I\] at home most of the time" and my sister shouldn't have to clean up our mess.

 In our my mom and I's conversation, she said because of my habits of forgetting about the litter and the floor, she might put me permanently on dishes. Honestly nightmare fuel for me because I just started a new job (thank god) and I attend the local community college during the day. I'm going to be exhausted. It makes me wonder if my dad will harp on my sister about the dishes in the sink after I haven't been home all day instead. Knowing my luck, probably not. And I'll be stuck with everyone else's dishes for the day after my long day of school and work at 10pm.

I made all these realizations as my mom was talking to me in the living room. I didn't catch a bit of what she was saying because of it. I sat silently on the floor as I cried thinking about it. Even after she left I didn't want to move. I got up and made this plate because I hadn't eaten and needed something to cheer me up. Brownie points to food, my beloved day one.

also, my cat's litter regularly gets cleaned. if i forget the night before, i'll do it the next day. she's not being abused, she is a very happy kitty who gets fed tasty treats and is constantly spoiled rotten.

Disappointments and Favoritism