Cat story my brother wrote

“I was just minding my business.
Looking for trouble.
Same as every other day.”
“Wait.
What is that.
That is not normal-sized.
That is a twelve-pound bag
of pure destiny.”
“Ohhhhhh this is it.
This is the one.
I have found the motherlode.”

Deciding the couch has personally wronged me and must be destroyed

“Where did you get a twelve-pound bag of catnip?!”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.
I have been a perfect angel.
Also I require a second bag.
And a third.
And possibly a throne.”

I start making biscuits in the catnip with both paws, staring straight up at the ceiling like I’ve seen the meaning of life.

“Today I am not a cat.
Today I am a legend.”

I suddenly sit up, grab a huge mouthful of catnip, and start trying to bury it under the rug with pure determination.
“I must hide the evidence.
No one can know what I’ve become.
…Except future me.
Future me is gonna be so proud.”
“I didn’t just find the bag.
I became the bag.”