(Pork soup dumplings and cucumber salad for a solid dinner date)

My (27F) boyfriend (29M) and I met two years ago while I was doing a summer internship in his city. We met while I was in between my first and second year of law school, and when I left his city to go home, we agreed to try a long distance relationship with the understanding that we would hopefully move in together once law school ended.

I graduated with my law degree back in May. In the months leading up to graduation, I asked him if he wanted to move to my city or if I should move to his so that I could focus my job search efforts. To my surprise, he said that the best thing for both of us would be to move to New York City (a place neither of us have ever lived). His reasoning was that he has always dreamed of being a big time Wall Street finance guy, and working in the New York legal field would probably field prestigious opportunities for me as well. 

I had some concerns about living in such an expansive city, and living states away from either of our families. But lo and behold, he convinced me that this would be the best next step for progressing both our careers and our relationship. So I immediately started applying to NYC legal jobs, and miraculously landed a great attorney job with great benefits. I began my job hunt in September 2025 and received a final offer in November 2025. After graduating in May, I took the New York Bae exam, somehow scored a fully furnished apartment within my price range, and I officially moved here and began work a few weeks ago.

My boyfriend on the other hand didn’t even start looking at job applications until April. Since then, he’s applied to about 120 jobs, has maybe three first round interviews, and zero job offers. He’s been incredibly picky about which jobs he applies for, saying that he’s only willing to work in Manhattan and live on the Upper East Side because it’s the only place that aligns with his “Wall Street lifestyle.” He also says that he MUST make six figures and he can only apply to companies that are prestigious enough for him. In my opinion, nothing in his education or work history warrants this level of pickiness. Plus, I’ve seen his resume, and quite frankly it’s formatted horribly, to the point of almost being unreadable. But he refuses to seek any advice on improving it, saying that he knows what he’s doing better than anyone else. He also refuses to practice any interview questions or seek interview advice, because he’s convinced that it would somehow make his interviewing worse.

As for me, my time in New York so far has been marked by extreme highs and lows. The highs have included receiving the keys to my gorgeous apartment, visiting some of the world’s most famous museums, and finally starting my big girl attorney job after years of law school. Buy behind it all, I must admit that I’m extremely, extremely lonely. I have zero family here and zero friends. Whenever I experience something cool or interesting, I have no one to share that with. As soon as I leave work, I typically don’t speak to anyone for the rest of the day. And my weekends are filled with silent solo dinners, silent museum visits, and silent walks in the park. It especially stings because all of my friends back home are posting photos of their weddings and their children. In the evenings, their homes are filled with laughter and conversation whereas mine is filled with silence. 

This loneliness has made me feel increasingly bitter towards my boyfriend. I literally moved here just to be with him and now I’m all alone. He sold me this vision of us building a home together in the city, going on chic dates and getting engaged very soon. So far literally none of what he’s promised has been delivered. The other night, I broke down and told him that I wish that he would either try harder to move here, or at least cut me free so that I can find someone to build a life with here in the city. He got upset and said that if I really loved him, that I would have endless patience and that I wouldn’t even consider building a life with someone else. I know the job market is horrible and it’s not entirely his fault that he can’t get a New York job right now. But I’m upset because I’ve told him from day one that I hate long distance and that I want to end it as soon as possible. Maybe if he had been more realistic about his job prospects, we could’ve living together in my hometown or his. Maybe we could even be engaged by now. I don’t know. 

I guess for now though, I’m stuck with reservations for one in a city where everyone else seems to constantly move around with a gaggle of friends or a partner at their side. 

Whoops, Moved to a Different State for a Man!