IN MY HEAD

I get in my head a lot, and over think. But theres 2 thoughts/feelings that have always stuck. I don’t over think them, they’re more of a feeling I guess.

The first one is not being able to see a future, not in sense of I have sui**dal thoughts, as I’ve had this same feeling since i was 11/12. But in the sense of I don’t see me with a family or friends. I don’t have a home, or a job. I just see nothing, darkness.

I think that ^^ comes from the fact i feel I’ll never find my person. I won’t life love or true friendships. I’m only 27 and I know people will say that’s still young etc but it’s just another gut feeling I have. I don’t think I was meant to have anyone. I think I was always meant to be alone and I hate that because all I want is to feel like I’m someone’s first choice, someone’s person.

There’s always been this thought I’ve had that I wasn’t meant for this life time. The life I’m living now is almost a pit stop before I die and then my true life starts when I come back.

My souls sad but my appearance is happy and I think that’ll always be the way.