Failed By 2 Crisis Hotlines - Where Does Someone Like Me Go For Help?

On Monday night I just started experiencing the most intense rage. It is now Saturday and I've really messed everything up.

The rage was so overwhelming I was honest with my mother - I told her that I'm at my breaking point and that she is part of the problem. At first she was kind and supportive but now she is angry at me and not talking to me. It's her birthday today. She put her present somewhere and didn't open it. I feel horrible.

I don't know where to go for help. I tried 2 crisis hotlines but they told me to meditate and do like box breathing? I'm in this mess because over the past 2 years I'm out of coping techniques that work. I thought being honest and at this extreme level of distress my mom would finally get it and stop hurting me. But no. Now the situation is even worse.

I'm afraid that the rage will come back and I will just randomly explode on someone - it is so scary and I feel really embarrassed.