I’m Not Fully Healed, But I’m Not Where I Was

Some days I still feel like a loser. 🫠

Not every day. Not like before.

But sometimes comparison hits hard.

I look at the person who left me and their life seems full of money, comfort, people and connections. Then I look at myself thinking about jobs, salaries, career growth and LPAs.

And for a few minutes, it genuinely feels like maybe I was the one who lost.

Maybe their world has people worth ₹30–40 crores, knowing they come from an influential family. Maybe they are happy, loved and completely moved on.

I still remember last day they telling me that yes now they will have sex with someone and u also find someone . Yes this pussy of mine doesnt belong to you .HAHA it was brutal their words and expression.

And today here I am, still building my life brick by brick. 💭💸

But then I remember where I was 1.5 years ago.

I think I have healed maybe 50–60%, and even that feels huge.

There was a version of me who thought he would never feel normal again.

And somehow, I survived that version of myself. 🤍🫂

I went to Vrindavan for a month searching for peace. 🕉️🌸

Somewhere inside, maybe I expected God to make everything feel clear.

Maybe I expected Bholenath to put a hand on my head and say, “Bas, ab sab theek hai.” 🔱🙏

But nothing magically disappeared.

I still had to carry myself.

And maybe that itself was the lesson.

Sometimes God does not remove the ocean.

He teaches you how to swim. 🌊

I was angry once too.

I remember thinking that maybe one day the person who hurt me should also understand what pain in love feels like.

Months later, while I was in Kashi near the Ganga, something happened that strangely reminded me of those words.

But by then, I didn’t want revenge anymore.

I didn’t want them to suffer.

I just wanted peace.

Four years with someone cannot simply be erased.

But today, I genuinely wish them well.

Let them be happy.
Let them love.
Let them live their life. 🤍🕊️

Maybe the harder journey has been learning to forgive myself.

For comparing.

For feeling left behind.

For thinking someone else’s happiness somehow meant I had failed.

And yes, I still get scared about the future.

People say things about destiny, marriage, betrayal and heartbreak, and sometimes when you have already been hurt once, those words get inside your head.

But I don’t want to spend my life suffering from pain that has not even happened yet.

Maybe I will become very successful one day.

Maybe rich.

Maybe not.

Who knows.

But slowly I am understanding that my life was never supposed to be a competition with the person who left me.

My victory is not earning more than them.

My victory is that I was hurt and still did not become cruel.

I was abandoned and still learned not to abandon myself.

My heart broke, but I still remained capable of love. ❤️✨

I am not fully healed.

Some nights are still lonely.

Sometimes I still compare.

But when I look at the person I was 1.5 years ago, I know I have come very far.

Maybe not every victory is visible.

Sometimes victory is simply becoming soft again after life gave you every reason to become bitter. 🤍🌙

Formatted with the help of AI, but the emotions and the journey are completely mine.