I’m am ready to give up

I spend most of my time alone. I have no one. My life has never really meant anything or mattered. Every day is the same and at this point I don’t know why I even bother. Trying seems pointless and I just wish I had someone in my life I could share everything with. But I don’t. I never have. When I was a kid and felt like this I used to look to the future with such hope that something better was waiting for me. Now that I’m here and nothing has changed I feel like I have failed that child. There isn’t any hope for me anymore. I have gotten to the point where I idealize stepping off a bridge constantly. I’m such a fool for thinking I would ever be anything more than someone people forget about