Is this okay or not ?

So i dont know whether its right to post this online at this point but my life it feels very fucking depressing so hope this viral or smt because i dont want this publicized so my entire life ive struggled with a lot of problems and the main source of that is my mother the thing is that ever since i was a kid i was faced with a certain issue which was my mother and i dont think its her fault but i dont think its mine either so im posting this to ask you guys if this is okay or not so my mother struggles with an issue where she is very scared of lizards like deathly scared of them so imagine this if a lizard comes into our home im not really allowed to touch that place anymore like every now this might sound small but its around 70% of my home and like lemme put this into perspective if i touch my laptop from my study table and before i can touch anything else ill have to wash my hands and then touch it but on a day to day basis it gets quite exhausting and if i touch any place that theres been a lizard on ill have the clean the whole way back to the bathroom where ill have to take a head bath and ill be scolded and might be beaten also , and the thing is if i use earphones or lie on my bed after i take a headbath i cant touch my hair cus if i do then ill have to wash my hands i cant go close to my mother and anything that comes close to my head will have to be washed including phones and this is just the tip of the iceberg like theres been a lot of traumatic shit in my life like i vividly remember when i was 5 years old i was begging my mom not to un-alive herself because my sister broke one of her rules, ive never used reddit before and ill maybe post another part depending on the response on this one and i love my mom a lot and i do believe that she loves me a lot but i dont really know how i should react to all this or whether this is okay or not i wanted to hear what real humans would say about this so please share your thoughts below please dont publicize this and please dont pass hate comments if stuff like that happens i hope i can just delete and move away thanks guys and also this is kind of the tip of the iceberg like theres been stuff which has been worse than this so yeah depending on the response and the type of response ill post another one cus the last thing i want is for this to be on a yt short ill post and update in abt 24hrs