i feel dumb for missing someone i "dated" at such a young age

granted, i'm still young (17f).

i guess i "dated" this guy when i was 13/14 for 8 months. i put quotes since i feel i didn't really date him in the sense that we never went on dates or anything outside of school, we only gamed or facetimed because of strict parents (the epitome of middle school relationships lol). our "breakup" was as middle school-ish as it gets, just dumb and cringeworthy.

recently, because we're both seniors this year, i went ahead and contacted him back in april for the fun of it after 3 years of no contact. nothing really came out of it back in april, but during that brief time of contact in april, i had really bad heartache after for some reason. again, i contacted him maybe a few days ago on a game to congratulate him since he hit a pretty high rank, and he's been playing this game since i knew him back in middle school. we chatted a bit on the game and ended up playing some video games together a few days later.

currently, i've texted him a bit though i'm the one to always reach out first. i don't necessarily want to say i miss him, but i do. i'm very aware about the fact that i most likely only miss the version i have of him in my head currently, and yet, i still put on the rose-tinted glasses and ignore it. it feels so, so stupid. i feel stupid for having to use self-control to not text him whenever i want to. to be honest, i wasn't even expecting him to respond to my initial text because i changed my number a while back. i don't even know if this guy has a girlfriend at the moment. for all of high school, i've been very anti-relationship and constantly shitting on couples, but when it comes to this guy, i turn a blind eye to whatever i've said before.

i feel dumb and embarrassed for being caught up in a fuckass middle school relationship and how it still makes my heart hurt knowing i don't have it anymore.