Fight vs freeze

Is anyone else tired of the fact that if you get the fight response it's drilled into you that it's your fucking responsibility to keep it under control, but when it comes to freeze response it's just treated as if nothing can be done about it?

I know to control my anger, to take a pause when I feel the urge to be mean and to put my thoughts into calmer and kinder words, to remove myself from situations that stress me too much to behave appropriately, and all that.

But I also just feel really unsettled sometimes by my wife's freeze response, like going silent in the middle of the conversation or sitting in the middle of the room in the weirder most uncomfortable pose glued to her phone complaining she can't unglue herself from there. Trying to discuss my frustrations with her or to put boundaries in is a treat too. No matter how calm and kind I tell her about it, she either freezes or gets really defensive about it.

I understand that no trauma response is better or worse. They're all valid. But I equally feel like one's got a responsibility to find ways to not hurt people around them with that response. Yet, my wife keeps telling me she can't do anything about it and online resources seem to be having a similar attitude. I'm just so fucking tired of it.