I had no sex Ed as a kid and I did horrible things that I feel really guilty about

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I don't even know what to say. Please be kind. I don't know what to say.

When I was 13, I started pleasuring myself. I didn't know at that time what I did was wrong. I just knew it was something not to do in public ig.

Me and my brother (10) shared a room. When he was asleep, I used to do it in the same bed. Again, I am really ashamed of it now. But back then I thought it was ok to do.

I had a spare room. But I was never allowed to use it. My mother was strict and moody. She used to beat me up as well. So i never asked for the room. We were quite religious as well so no such conversation happened. Therefore I thought, if no such conversation happened to me about stopping me, there is nothing wrong about it (ik so stupid).

Around 13 I went to a dorm in another country for higher studies. Again, we were 5 people. The bathrooms were common and dirty af. So, when people were asleep, I did it.

The worst one honestly is when I was 14, me and my mother shared a bed. I thought I was sneaky enough and did it when she was AWAKE. Eeeewww.

She commented 'why is the bed shaking?' And then I immediately stopped. Since then I never did it when there were people around me.

In my head, if I didn't get caught its ok. But it's so disgusting that I thought about this.

I really hate myself for this. Ik there is nothing wrong with it but I crossed boundaries here for sure. I really didn't know the moral implications for this.

I hate this ew.