I wish my maths teacher was my Dad

Firstly, I just want to say I cannot stress enough the fact that this is not some weird post. I do not have a crush on my teacher and this isn't some fetish thing. I do love my dad and this isn't to say I hate/resent him.

I've made posts about this before, but to sum everything up my dad does trucking in Australia, I see him for 2 weeks at a time before he is back there for 10/11 weeks. It has been like this for most of my life and he recently started doing it again. We don't text or call or anything because we just aren't as close as I wish we were, a lot of my childhood memories don't include him. He also cheated on my mum while she was pregnant with my sister, I found that out in the middle of maths last year. We are also pretty opposite people in general.

My math's teacher is the complete opposite of him generally speaking. This isn't to say my dad is violent or anything like that. And math's is always something I have struggled with so so much. He is the reason it is my favourite class this year because he makes it so bearable.

At the start of the year he had us fill out those "About me" sheets so he could get to know us a bit better (as a lot of us, myself included, had never had him as a teacher before) I filled it out and it was basically things like "What is your favourite movie/song, what is a fun fact about you, how do you feel about math's?, etc etc". I didnt expect him to actually look at it as teachers never do, but the next day he went around the whole class and talked to everyone individually about our interests to relate to us (for me, he sung a brief part of Do-Re-Mi from the sound of music because it is my favourite movie). It genuinely made me so happy because nobody I know actually likes that film.

Furthermore, he sings us happy birthday if it is our birthday in class (he has a ukulele) and if someone gets something challenging right, he makes everyone do two snaps to say good job. In general he is an amazing and positive teacher. He is so incredibly patient (especially in my experience since I find algebra so hard and he never once seemed frustrated when I couldn't get it). I also remember this one time I was having heart issues (pain due to very low iron (I didn't know this at the time)) and he sat with me for a bit while I cried and told me not to worry about the test I was doing, that I could finish it later, and that my health is the most important thing.

This leads us to the problem, that I wish he was my dad instead. I feel so guilty saying that, because my dad is trying his hardest and I have zero right to feel the way I do. He is absolutely the best teacher I have ever had. He is so kind and patient and generous. He does his best to help everyone and he does everything he can to ensure we succeed. He brings his daughter (around 4) into class when we have him last period and she is so sweet. She and him sing us songs they wrote together and he doesn't mind that she is basically clinging to his leg the entire class (since she is very very shy). I think it is so sweet but a part of me just feels so upset and sad and jealous. Like I could have had that if my dad had just stayed. If he wasn't gone for so much time.

I just dont know how to process any of these feelings. I feel so guilty and jealous and like I am constantly grieving. It is hard seeing exactly what I wanted my dad to be like every day because it just reminds me that mine isn't even here.