I feel utter hopelessness, everything feels like a chore instead of a relationship...

My prayer no longer has faith...I feel hopeless. I feel my eternity is already secured in a bad way... I want to surrender, but it's for the wrong desire. I'm not willing. I want the desire to surrender, but it's also for the wrong reason (the wrong desire and reason is I don't want to go to h*ll)

I want to hope in prayer, I can't even do that now

Be confident in prayer, I can't

These nights and feelings just keep repeating and repeating and repeating AND REPEATING....It's my fault, I want to leave but I'm not willing

I don't mean lust in general...I mean this feeling of hopelessness, wanting to surrender, but not willing and not having the right motives and desires

I had a dream where I was on Judgement Day, and God said I never knew you. That dream gave me hopelessness that I've never experienced on earth ever. Now I'm afraid this is my fate if I don't do anything.

I don't know what I can do. Everything feels like I can't do...video games with even 1-2 demonic items I'll delete, games with lustful stuff I'll delete, I feel trapped by Christianity instead of feeling freedom...I've used the method "If x y or z glorifies God, then it's not sin", but it traps me more, it disables me more...I don't know what to do anymore...everything feels so boring...

I heard that I feel such emptiness and hopelessness because I don't have the Holy Spirit...How do I receive it?? Everything feels like a "Do or Don't Do" with no real love behind it. Each time I sin I condemn myself.

Everything feels hopeless, please, I can't even hear God. I can't discern between conviction, the enemies voice or my overthinkingness. My freedom feels trapped. This doesn't feel like a relationship...PLEASE