How do I (HLM) tell my partner (LLF) I don’t want her to “initiate” anymore without hurting her feelings?

Hey everyone I need advice on how to have this conversation with my wife without hurting her or coming off like I’m trying to punish her. That’s not my intent.

We’ve been in a DB for quite some time, and for the last few years we’ve only had sex maybe once every 2-3 months. When we did have sex, it was usually fairly “rushed”, not on my end. Almost zero fore play for me, only her, no kissing, no oral, just plain vanilla missionary until it’s done. Before our DB there was always a lot of fore play both for me and her. Lots of kissing, cuddling, touching, we took our time and it was amazing to have that connection together.

Now, we still hug, cuddle, hold hands, have quick pecks here and there. But never anything else. No actual kissing, no wandering touches, no flirting. Eventually this went on long enough that I kind of just shut down my sexuality toward her. I stopped expected kisses, basically trained myself to not want them. I stopped thinking of her sexually to avoid being aroused around her, I stopped making any kind of sexual advances or suggestive flirty comments. I basically just avoided anything that would be read by her as sexual, apologized for even the faintest touches that could be seen as sexual, made sure to keep a respectful distance away from her even when cuddling. I don’t withhold anything, but she’s told me in the past that it makes her uncomfortable that I wanted sex “all the time” so I started doing this to avoid making her uncomfortable. I still compliment her and do what’s expected of me in our relationship otherwise.

My problem now is that she keeps flirting with me, being sexually suggestive, saying we should do something sexy or sexual in some way, suggestively touching me in bed and it’s making me deeply uneasy. Like nauseous uneasy. She keeps telling me she was “thinking about me” or this or that. And honestly I just want it to stop but I don’t know how to talk to her about it without hurting her feelings. If I do show interest in any way, she blows me off so either way I’m left feeling like crap and I just want to put an end to it so I can have some peace and stop feeling so anxious. It’s been so long since we’ve had anything other than a cuddle buddy dynamic that I’d rather just stick to that. I have grown content with solo masturbating on my own during the day to avoid sexual feelings around her and it’s confusing at this point for her to be doing this. Any advice is welcome because like I said I don’t want to hurt her feelings but I just can’t deal with it.