It's been over a year

Everyday. Drinking everyday. I can't stop. I've got doctors. I'm seeking help. I've lowered my amount for sure but I can't seem to stop. I get close to getting better and then it gets bad again. I have so much to live for but I'm drowning. I'm sick when I wake up, I feel like shit everytime I eat. My anxiety is so bad it's the only way I know how to deal but I hate it so much. Any tips on how to stop and how to deal with the crippling anxiety? I have all the meds to make sure I won't die if I stop I just can't bring myself to do it.