Some Late Night Thoughts

I used to have a best friend. Even though I was chronically ill, and mostly housebound. I met her through Reddit. We talked about Hannibal (2013), and we video-chatted every single day for a couple hours. That was fine, and I thought she was having as much fun as I was until... she wasn't. I think I was too much for her. Too sick, too needy, too American, and not enough benefits for her that outweighed my chronic illness lifestyle. So, I was no longer a priority.

She stopped.

I started panicking, looking for new connections. I made a server. I did so many things. Then, I kinda... stopped.

And I became more introverted.

Went into the worlds of my characters.

- a British pain specialist who treats by day and tortures by night.
- a Danish surgeon who is dry as paper, and precise to a fault for one human.
- a chronically ill girl in earlier times, who has her books and embroidery, and her brain, and diagnoses that just don't work for society very well. She has opinions about that.
- chronically ill girlie in modern times who functions until... she just breaks. And her lawyer father from Law and Order who I gave children, because he has the under-eye bags for children, and so obviously, he needs one.

- Hugh Dancy became a legitimate hobby.

Slowly, slowly, I found some new buddies. From a Discord server. Reconnected with a pal from college. While I still love my dog and his neckties, and watching him entertains me for hours, I have some humans. I joined an online book club.

But I mean, sometimes, I wish I wasn't sleepy. I wish I wasn't content with the online-ness of my friendships. I wish I could just get in the car (can't — heavily medicated) and go out. Say, "Hi! I'm Cru!" to someone who wants to meet me. But I'm in a little introvert-box. There's cracks where the light can get in, but the box isn't very big.

Message if this resonated at all? If you wanna be invited into my story world? Or if it's just 2AM rambling, carry on.