How do I start living my life without feeling extremely worthless?

Hello, I am currently 18F and this year has probably been one of the most stressful years of my life, and I am unsure on what I can do to feel like there is actual worth in my life anymore. I struggled with depression when I was in 7th grade, and that was the last time in my life where things felt utterly unfixable, but luckily I was able to get myself out of that hole within a year and feel like myself again, but now I just feel...stuck.

In February of this year I lost some of my closest friends because I made a mistake, that was when I started to not feel like myself, I became more irritated, and I would go to sleep crying every night afraid that my friends hated me and that they were ignoring me. I let my own mental health struggles seep into my friendships and eventually my friendships broke off in an extremely messy way, when that happened that is when I finally decided to seek help for myself, I didn't want to repeat my past mistakes and I genuinely wanted to be a better person so I could maintain friendships in the future. I began going to therapy again after years and started taking medication, and for a few months I felt better, I finally felt happier.

Until everything came crashing down on me, I am not sure what started it but I am now in an endless loop of depression and nothing can seem to get me out of it. I have no friends in person, and so many years of pent up social anxiety don't allow me to connect with people and form long lasting friendships in person, I am now on my third medication, after nothing was working for me, I started going to therapy more and have had multiple times where everything has just felt hopeless. I was in a relationship with a guy that goes through his own mental health struggles, however he is more avoidant and I am more attachment during these struggles. When we are together, they are some of the happiest moments of my life, but hes been ghosting me lately as a response of his own struggles. I let him know today that it might be better if we just stay friends but keep talking to see if something happens when we both feel better, and if not that is okay too. I feel like I am trying everything to better my mental health, but as a response of my depression it's so hard for me to do the things it feels like I need to do necessary to make myself feel better, such as go to school, and get a job and try and connect with new people. As a result of my depression I dropped this semester of college and have overall just been hurting myself, and I don't know how to get out of this cycle.