Decision making in marriage

This weekend has been eye opening for me. It’s my husbands birthday, and my brother in law and I have been asking my husband what he wants to do for his birthday all week.

All week he’s been putting it off, complaining the weather wasn’t going to be good and that none of his friends were free. We’ve been asking what activities (gym, Nordic spa, rock climbing, mall, hiking in the mountains, etc) he wants to do, and every time he’d just say “I don’t know” or “let’s decide tomorrow”. Even the same for food, dinner resos, or cake. We were trying to make it special because his birthday is his favourite day.

Tomorrow comes and it’s the weekend. I finally threw my hands in the air and said I’m leaving it to you to decide. So today we (bro in law and I) left it and finally he makes a decision at 3pm to go do something and we did. It was enjoyable, glad we got out even if we were chasing the sunset.

We’re on our way home and he defers to asking me for what we want for dinner. I’ve been throwing my hands up all day and it’s actually wild when I think about it all now…. He does this 24/7 and the only reason why we do things or things get done are because I am the decision maker 99.9% of the time. It’s crazy how much input I have and he always says “let’s do whatever you want to do”. This whole weekend in limbo has actually given me major anxiety because no plans have been made, and that makes it hard to make plans for myself or other priorities around the house.

Any one else been here? It takes a huge responsibility off the person who just says “I’ll do whatever you want” “whatever you wanna eat” “whatever you wanna do”. Eye opening too because when we have been in fights before, the whole “we always do what you want to do” comes out. But my gosh to just live in limbo is my biggest nightmare.