Feeling extremely sad and lonely since the past few months

After a decent and somewhat fucked up high school life and having only few people I can call friends, I thought that college would treat me a bit better, but I am having trouble finding my kinda people. It's not like I don't have anyone I can tag along with in college but I feel they're all fake, as a matter of fact I think everyone is faking it even the people outside of college and the "Friends" I thought I could rely on.

Though i have decided to accept that I can live alone completely fine (which I think I'm managing well). But I just can't get over the feeling of having someone to talk to, like whenever I see someone hanging out with their friends without putting in much of an effort and just blending in with everyone, I kind of get jealous.

And the people i used to cally bestest of friends never even checked up on me to see if I was doing okay. They have also started to ignore me and whenever I join their gaming sessions they immediately cancel it and says that there are not enough people.

I kind of feel like a filler in everyone's life, like I'm just there to fill in the spaces that are empty and easily replaceable.

Even my parents don't think much about me. Like if I don't eat for four days straight they'll not even ask what happened and not even talk to me for days.

In all these I've found the only coping mechanism to be music but even that has started to feel too lound nowadays. And I don't find interest in doing anything at all, don't have any hobbies, no goal, and no one to go out with.

I lack the motivation to do anything at all and have lost the urge to develop any kind of interest .

Sorry if the vent got too long and I know it's pretty badly written, it's just that my thoughts are all over the place.