How to feel comfortable in the beginning stages?

Hi y’all,

My long term boyfriend and I have recently opened up our relationship and I’m really struggling with a lot of different conflicting emotions. I’m really looking for any and all advice you might’ve wanted to hear when you were getting started…

This is something he wanted a lot more than I did — not to say it’s something I don’t want, but he was a lot more passionate about it than I am. He has a very high sex drive and mine is comparably low, and we’ve been struggling in the bedroom for a while. So, he’s started seeing a mutual friend and it’s kind of killing me, but I’m also fine with it. I change my mind on how I feel 10x a day.

At first it was just supposed to be sleeping with other people, but he’s been seeing our friend a lot and they text all the time. I’m happy for them, kind of. They have a pretty extreme BDSM dynamic going on, and it’s turning into a full time thing. Theyre gearing up for a full on relationship and I’m pretty jealous. And, unfortunately, the only person I was really interested in sleeping with was this friend. But neither of them want a threesome with me involved or anything like that.

So idk. I’ve been trying to feel better about it. I’ve been reading The Ethical Slut and it’s kind of helping, but I mostly just struggle with feeling bad about myself. I feel like I’m not enough and that nobody is interested in me. I’m not a very outgoing person and I don’t really want to hook up with strangers… I have feelings for my boyfriend and for my friend, but I can’t act on either right now.

I should add that I have some sex trauma and grew up very religious, so while I am interested in polyamory, I feel so guilty and prudish about it. I’ll also say that all parties involved are queer in some way. Everyone but me is happy, but I want to be happy in this situation. I’m seeing a sex therapist soon, but anything I could do or think about in the meantime would be appreciated. Thanks!