Everything passes by, and I continue to deny despite knowing .

I was recently discharged from a hospital, but during my stay there I kinda realised how much I thought everything around me was fake and would pass eventually . I woke up every now and thinking that I wasn't truly there, that I was somewhere else dreaming about the place because of just how unfamiliar and jarring everything looked and the people around me felt like they weren't ever going to stay around, like a hallucination or something, and even in my own house in my OWN ROOM I still feel like I'm in this space where it'll eventually all just fall away . It's like eventually everything would shift away without a transition kind of like a hard cut to a new scene . My understanding of the world obviously contradicts this idea and I know that I was brought back home by my dad, but from my eyes that just simply Didn't Happen, and it's been like this since However Long It's Been and I'm not even Sure when it started because it feels like it's been going on since Forever .

I find myself noticing how much of my time living can't be remembered, but is left with vague ideas of what I did based off of what I know about the world and what normally happens when I am actually alive . It feels like I'm reading synopsis of a book made by a reviewer who doesn't really care about the book and last read it 2 months ago .

At this point I feel like I'm about to lose the plot of what I'm typing up . Nothing is Solid anymore and I don't know why . Dissociation is the only lead I have so far, I'm already terrified of learning more about what's happening to me and I don't know if I'm ready to fix it yet because I don't know enough about this and it feels like there's only So Many resources that I can search from before hitting a wall of denial and fearing that I'm lying to myself because I don't know what's caused this .