anyone else here relate

I can barely take care of myself. I have all this laundry I need to do and no clean clothes, but I just can’t get myself to do it. I called off work today so I could do it and I still didn’t.

I have no one to rely on and right now I am constantly moving from place to place. My family has broken my heart and I can’t even get into all that. I’ve been crying all day. A couple days ago at work I felt so numb. I don’t wanna do anything. I don’t wanna work, I don’t wanna keep worrying about finding a new place to live every few months.

I feel so stuck but as if I’m partially keeping myself here because I don’t know what to do. I know therapy might be good but I don’t know what I’d talk about and I’d need so much guidance. I also would find it exhausting to have to try and find the right therapist, the right medication, all that. and I’m so used to my feelings getting diminished. when I was in high school I told a therapist (or it might have been my psychiatrist) that I was depressed and she didn’t think I was. but that was how I felt.. I just got so sick of it. my family did it too and it fucking broke my heart, they just broke my trust entirely and I can never afford to let them back in

I don’t know how the next few months of my life will look but I’m worried, scared, and depressed. I feel like a child who is helpless. I think trauma has caused me to regress. I don’t know what to do anymore and I can’t rely on myself. but I have no one else to rely on.