I hate the way i act

Hi guys i’m typing this late at night because i’ve been doing some self reflection, and ive honestly got no idea what to do to turn my life around? I have a small group of friends, but there’s one friend in specific im close with. I like the same things as them but for some reason if they like something i find myself also liking it like some puppy dog. I feel like a fan in a way and i’ve NEVER done that before and I hate when i do. I can’t help but change the way i respond to some things because i want people to like me a lot, and i feel personally attacked if im rejected in a way. I feel like everyday i get stupider, my rooms a mess and ive honestly not been feeling to great. I don’t know if it’s just depression since i havent been on my meds lately but i feel like shit and i was just wondering if anyone has any tips for not acting like a fan and getting anxiety that my friends will hate me if i dont bend to their will, i wanna feel like myself again.