Am I [30NB] expecting too much from my partner [31NB] or is this worth talking about?

Asking for empathy because I feel like a big idiot right now.

TLDR -- Let me know if I'm making mountains out of molehills, or if it is worth bringing up that I desire a partner who considers me the way I do them, which might be unrealistic.

I'm 4 months into my first relationship, and I've overall been loving it. My partner has high emotional IQ, is affectionate, and has been honest with me.

Things have been $$ rough for them, so it's been my choice to cover costs on all shared experiences. I don't make much either and have my own debts, but I voluntarily do this to ease their burden which is higher/riskier. (DW, being careful about tracking $$ now so I don't overdo it, and I've told them too.)

I bring up the above bc I've come to realize that this attitude is how I put effort into the relationship and express love-- by being considerate of my partner's wants and needs. That consideration goes into how I speak to/treat them, volunteer my time + money to help out, and maintain transparency.

I'm struggling with the latter right now because I don't know if this is WORTH the talk.

Recently, there were a couple moments that resulted in me feeling hurt. I'll just talk about one so this post doesn't go on forever.

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I'd told my partner earlier in the week I was mentally exhausted from stressful new job training. One day after work, I offered to help with reorganizing their room. They'd already done a lot, and were tired as well.

They accepted so I came over and ended up only needing to fold laundry. They explained the reasoning behind the new room layout to me, and then I asked why a shelf was not positioned elsewhere. They got upset and said, "I already explained that to you... I already explained this...I'm four hours ahead of you..."

I emotionally shut down because I felt so small, like I was a disappointment for misunderstanding their explanation. Their expressing of frustration felt harsh despite the fact that there it was respectful and straightforward. AND they patiently reexplained it afterwards.

On paper, this situation is inconsequential and there's no fault. I'm not trying to villainize my partner. This just made me feel......unloved and not considered to the level I would've given. In their shoes, I'd think "oh they forgot or misunderstood, that's fine" and simply reexplain myself. And if something bothered me, I would still approach from a place of concern like "how are you feeling right now? is this info overload?"

I had told them multiple times at the beginning of the relationship that I had issues with memory. They see that I do my best to keep up w/ things, and they are aware that it's still a big insecurity of mine. But the irk was probably stronger in the moment, whether it was from thinking that I wasn't listening, couldn't understand them, or just forgot.

Again, my help was voluntary and I didn't offer because I felt entitled to gratitude or some other favor. Plus it's more quality time together. So I'm not coming from this angle.

An easy route would be to sum this interaction as "we were both tired and cranky" and shrug it off.

But this and other moments that are starting to stack up (some more hurtful or unjustified but still maintaining respect) have made me think more on what I want out of a relationship -- which is reciprocity in being considered.

Without it, I will still love them. Will I be able to sustain a longterm relationship -- I don't know. I feel like this sort of desire is hard to deprioritize, and would lead to resentment if unfulfilled. Is it a complicated ask? Maybe!!

Due to tough circumstances, the 'consideration' they would be able to offer atm is only emotional/verbal which I would be happy with, but wouldn't that lead to them feeling like they can't be honest?

The "issue" I guess here is that their honesty during the tough moments feels like love for me as a partner is not the foundation for how they talk to me. When for me, it's the starting point of every convo, happy or not.

I feel like I am going crazy, like this is such a micro non-issue and that if I brought this up, it sounds like I'd be asking for something unattainable.