I just want to not exist

Been dealing with depression for over 15 years now. Feel like nothing will get better for me. I just want to lay in bed and sleep.

I don’t feel like cleaning my apartment or take care of myself. I don’t have the energy or emotional capacity to apply for jobs since I know I’ll be rejected. Just.. want to do nothing. I’m taking spravato, but I don’t think it’s working.

I don’t really want to die. I just want to cease to exist.