i feel like my life is falling apart (warning for SI mention)

6 days clean, considered relapsing today. thankfully didnt, but, christ was it hard. family issues, privacy being horribly violated (which resulted in me sobbing and having to take around 5 minutes to ground myself). i’ve never been so contemplative on whether or not to just get everything over with and end my own life. i probably wont ever end up doing that— i need to stay alive until my pets die, i cant leave them. i just need to get this off my chest, i cant stand to bottle everything up. thanks and sorry, extra thanks to the mods for what they do. :)