(Asking for advice and reassurance/Venting) Life

I'm 20 and my life isn't going/doing great. I have a lot of fear and anxiety and I often struggle to take care of myself entirely weither it's physically or mentally. I often fear of not being or doing enough and ashamed of living with my mom still, I don't want her to have my stuff being all on her even tho she does want to get some kind of ownership over me since I don't know much about my medical stuff. I feel such a burden and a failure I'm embarrassed to still needing help regardless of age and it sucks. I have a journal I keep that has everything written down for me on my important things though it feels like it's not enough and I should know it all already. I believe I haven't been able to mature much growing up I did went through quite a bit of truamas but I don't want to excuse anything. My life is often on a very thin line and my fear of death isn't helping either, the only thing I'm able to cope is by age regressing since it's the most safe thing I've had and just try not to think about life at those moments just so I don't have a severe panic attack. I believe Im unable to be a true adult. I don't want the pressure being put on my mom, I kinda think of being put somewhere to have a caregiver and to help me I just really feel bad for others who puts up with my stuff when I should be the one who does that. My needs are too much to handle and it's like my body is this baby who always whines and complains about anything. (Idk I'm just having rough days and dealing with high stress/anxiety)