no support systems, surrounded by cruelty.

is it even possible to get better or heal this curse of a disorder if you’re still stuck in the same harmful environments that caused it?? Each emotion, each day consumes me. I still push through functioning with a smile when people look my way, but the pain is unbearable sometimes especially when you can’t see a way out yet. there’s so much I want to do, so much love I want to give, so much life I want to live, so many dreams and goals in this messy mind. I wish each day and my problems didn’t feel like forever. I’m so lonely. that’s hardest part. my loneliness has let me get hurt and humiliated in exchange for closeness. I texted a life long friend last week (we would speak daily), was the first time I mustered the courage to let someone know I was struggling to the point of potential self harm and made that very clear I was at risk. they replied by dismissing what I said and that they were busy and she had a big argument with her new boyfriend. she then ghosted me for days as I sat with that hopeless painful feeling. I asked her why she’s ghosting me and that I’m really struggling, she said she has boyfriend problems to focus on and I shouldn’t expect her to be there for me because we arent close in her opinion anymore and we haven’t seen each other in person since last year. that hurt to hear. I am sick of just literally every “close” person in my life invalidating me, dismissing me, and even abusing me. crazy how it’s more normal for me to expect to hear that I should kms instead of ily 😭 this bpd stuff all just feels so unfair to me and the world just seem to hates us. I don’t even feel like a person worth being around anymore. anyone relate?? // advice ??