I resent my family and the place I live, and these feelings are just getting stronger.

I’m tired of my estranged family. My whole life my paternal and maternal families have been fighting to stay together. Fights, drugs, narcissism and lack of empathy trying to set us up to watch us hate and kill each other.

I’m resentful of my family.

My dad’s side neglected me (and my sister) while doting on our brothers because my grandma hated my mom. We lost my dad to addiction and then we lost any substantial connection with that side of the family.

My mom’s side is even more complicated. My grandma had severe mental health issues and didn’t take care of herself, depression, bipolar. My grandpa just did what my grandma wanted. We don’t speak to my uncles and aunts because of family fights and drug addiction. My mom has 3 siblings, and my dad has 4 or 5, we don’t talk to any of them… My cousins are fucked mentally and addicted to drugs. Their kids are neglected and not taken care of. I don’t talk to my brother because he’s a drug addict too. Now my sister and I haven’t been on good terms since she physically attacked me last October and never apologized. She thinks less of my mom and I and we can tell. She’s not an addict but she’s cruel and a bully. I’ve come to terms with the fact that she just doesn’t like me, she thinks I’m annoying and that I’m less than her because I don’t have kids, I’m still in college and live with our mom (she lives with our mom too, and her kid, and her 2nd baby daddy [who doesn’t have a job or help around the house] and she’s pregnant. She’s not much more responsible than I am, but because she has kids + full time job, she feels like she’s so much better than me) My mom doesn’t discipline or even talk to my sister about her behavior when she’s being rude or disrespectful, this enables my sister into thinking treating people like crap is okay. My mom walks on eggshells around my sister, in her own house, and it makes me so upset. She says she doesn’t but I see it everyday, every time there’s a slight conflict in the house. I also get upset at my mom for not correcting her, because since she doesn’t correct her, my sister doesn’t change, she doesn’t think about how her actions effect the people around her. And this results in my sister and I becoming estranged too because I don’t want to be close to people that are unkind, cruel, unempathetic, and frankly showing signs of narcissistic behavior. So my sister and I will not be close and we will grow farther apart because she’ll never learn what she is doing is cruel. And I think I blame my mom, I blame my families for thinking drug addiction is normal and not something that should be taboo. I grew up in Las Vegas partying and thinking being high in any way was how you partied and had a good time. It’s not, I’m tired of living in a country where drugs are doing this to half the population, and where people think that being high is the only way to have a good time. I know other places have drug issues. But because drugs are heavily monitored and aren’t allowed in many other countries, the United States just looks so bad. Growing up in the environment I grew up in just looked so bad. I wish my parents realized there’s more to life than getting high, I wish they fought for a better life for me and my siblings and my cousins and second cousins. I hate the United States and I hate my family. I don’t want to feel like this but I feel so hurt. I feel like my entire life has been destroyed and that I’ll never get a chance to live better life. I want to be around people who help me be better, and who are better for themselves too, but I don’t think I’ll find that in my family.