Biggest mistake?

I feel like I’m standing in front of the biggest decision of my life.
Technically, I’m already married. We had our civil wedding a few months ago, but our actual big wedding is supposed to happen in one week. Everything is planned. People are expecting it. We have built a home together. On paper, my life is already moving in one very clear direction.
And yet, part of me is seriously considering stopping everything.
I have the opportunity to accept a scholarship and study on the other side of the world for a semester. And lately I keep thinking about taking it. Leaving for a while, clearing my head, experiencing something completely different and figuring out what I actually want my life to look like — instead of continuing down the path I planned for myself or the path other people expect me to take.
The hardest part is that this isn’t because my husband is a bad partner.
I love him. He loves me more than I could ever ask for. When I’m with him, I’m happy. I feel comfortable and safe. We laugh, I have fun with him, and I know I’m deeply loved. He would do almost anything for me.
And somehow, despite all of that, something inside me doesn’t feel right.
I don’t even know how to explain it. It’s just this feeling deep inside me that keeps getting louder. I don’t know whether it’s my gut trying to tell me something important or whether I’m creating a problem in my own head because I’m terrified.
Maybe I’m afraid of commitment. Maybe I’m afraid of responsibility. Maybe I’m scared of sharing my entire life with another person. Maybe the permanence of marriage is suddenly hitting me. Maybe I’m simply overwhelmed. Or maybe there really is something inside me telling me that the life I’m about to fully commit to isn’t the life I’m supposed to live.
I genuinely don’t know.
Over the past few weeks especially, I haven’t felt like myself. When I try to picture my future, I somehow can’t see it anymore. And that scares me more than anything.
I keep asking myself which decision I would regret more.
Would I regret cancelling the wedding, hurting people I love, turning our lives upside down and leaving to find out who I am and what I actually want?
Or would I regret going through with everything because it’s already planned, because we’re already legally married, because people are expecting it and because changing course now would be incredibly difficult — only to realize years from now that I ignored something inside myself because I was too afraid to listen to it?
Either choice changes my life.
And that’s what terrifies me.
I also hate knowing how much power my decision has over other people’s lives. This isn’t just about me. There is a man who loves me who could be devastated by my decision. There are families involved. There are plans, money, expectations and an entire life we’ve already started building.
But at the same time, I don’t want to make possibly the biggest decision of my life because I’m afraid of disappointing everyone or because I feel like it’s “too late” to change my mind now that the papers have been signed.
The strange thing is that if you put me next to my husband right now, I’m happy. I don’t sit there wishing I were with somebody else. I don’t dream about another man or another relationship. I love being with him.
It’s when I think about forever that something in me starts panicking.
And I can’t figure out whether that feeling means “this isn’t the life you want” or simply “you’re terrified because this is the biggest commitment you’ve ever made.”
I have one week before the wedding, and for the first time in my life I genuinely don’t know which version of my future I want.
Part of me wants to stay, marry the man I love and build the life we’ve planned.
Another part of me wants to get on a plane, go to the other side of the world for a semester, breathe, clear my head and find out who I am when nobody else’s expectations are around me.
And I have absolutely no idea which part of me I should listen to.