My friend’s recent event today for people who are homeless inspired me to give a woman who I suspect is homeless that was crying money today. I googled her and wonder if I gave it to the right person.

I gave her $20. This weekend my friend hosted an event for the homeless that led to me realizing just how many people aren’t receiving what they need, and I have been thinking about trying to do more homeless outreach. I really loved how happy everyone looked this Saturday.

There are always homeless people close to a donut place where I live. I saw a woman outside, one who I knew was older than I was, sitting in what appeared to be a wheelchair. She was crying, She was also a black woman like me, so I really sympathized with her. I asked her what was wrong. She had actually said something about needing an autopsy and about the fact that she’d have to take a drug test, that she has kids who she needs to take care of. She mentioned she has sickle cell, has been struggling with it throughout her lifetime and that her sister died. I had asked her if she wanted money/if it would help. I gave her a twenty. I have started carrying money on me because I’d like to give it to homeless people in hopes of inspiring them… but I admit that there are cases like this woman wherein deep down inside, I wonder if I did the right thing. Some people, like most of the people I saw on Saturday, seem to be homeless because the system has failed them - a man with a limp on Saturday who was gleeful to receive a bag with toothpaste, toothbrushes, and beverages for example. But there are other people who I see that I know are homeless because they have mental health problems that they have refused help for, or a drug problem. This woman had asked me for my #, which I gave to her. I told her if she messaged me I’d be glad to send her resources. She messaged me, I asked that she let me know more about her problems so that I can provide resources. She didn’t respond to the message. She had put her name in the message. I googled her, because I was curious. I googled her because I wondered deep down inside if I had given the money to the right person. I learned that in my opinion, the answer is no. It turns out that she has been arrested multiple times for inflicting injury on a child and has DV charges in addition to other things like vandalism. I could tell that she was suffering from mental health issues. I thought that the sister who she mentioned to me today had passed very recently, but when I looked her up I learned her sister it seems has been deceased for at least five years. I don’t know, at all, whether or not she ended up using the money I gave her for a good cause. I don’t know if she ended up using it to buy herself a meal, or do what she could to make things in her life right. I don’t know what having sickle cell and being chronically ill feels like. I knew as soon as I saw her today that there was trauma. But seeing her page, and reading the arrest record, was a letdown for me.

This obviously doesn’t mean that no homeless person is deserving of money. The people we met on Saturday really needed kindness, cash, and survival items. And I am sure that this woman has been let down by the system in ways I am not aware of (she must have experienced some kind of child abuse to have turned out the way she did that it seems no one did anything about, though a city I live close to is known for being dangerous and it seems a lot of people who were brought up in the 80s/90s out there like she was grew up to have issues.) It’s weird to feel like you may have helped the wrong person.