Boyfriend hates my vibrator

My boyfriend knows I use a vibrator when I’m by myself and that it helps me finish. I’ve asked him to use it on me during sex, but he refuses on multiple occasions and it’s become a point of contention now. He jokes that it’s “AI taking his job,” and that I am “setting himself up for failure bc his dick can’t vibrate.”

He finishes extremely quickly, genuinely, usually within a matter of seconds or a couple of strokes. I’m not saying that to embarrass him or criticize him for something he may not have much control over. The bigger issue for me is what happens around it. He rarely tries to make sure I finish, and when he does try, he often gives up pretty quickly.

It’s especially frustrating because I’m a very sexual person. I have a high sex drive and there are a lot of kinky things I’d love to explore with my partner. But I feel like I can’t really do much of that with him because anything that gets him more excited just makes him finish even faster. I feel like I’m constantly having to tone down that side of myself rather than getting to explore it with the person I’m having sex with.

That’s why the vibrator thing bothers me so much. I don’t see it as replacing him at all. If anything, I see it as something we could use together that would take some of the pressure off both of us. Instead, he seems threatened by it while also not really offering another solution.

I don’t expect him to magically control how long he lasts, and I don’t expect to orgasm every single time (I guess). I just want to feel like my pleasure is as important as his. Right now, sex often feels like it’s over once he finishes, while I’m left frustrated and I’m starting to become angry about it.

I love him and I don’t want to humiliate him or make him feel inadequate, especially because I know this is probably a sensitive subject for a guy. But I’m also getting increasingly sexually frustrated, and pretending it doesn’t bother me isn’t working.

Why might a guy feel threatened by bringing a vibrator into sex? And why does he cum so quick?

UPDATE: I talked to him

I ended up talking to him on the phone about everything for about an hour and 15 minutes, and honestly I feel worse after the conversation. I don’t really know what I was expecting.

He got extremely defensive and mostly went quiet. There were a lot of long silences and when he did speak he said “I don’t know what you want me to say.” Classic. At one point I timed the silence and it lasted over 8 minutes. I told him his silence was really upsetting me and making me feel really bad but it continued on.

He told me I’m “impossible to please” because I use a vibrator and that he’ll never be able to compete with it, so he doesn’t see the point of him trying anymore bc he will never compete with the stimulant and he finds using it weird, he kept calling it “that huge green thing,” it’s blue and a very normal sized rabbit. I suggest buying a new smaller one together, he didn’t really seem down.

I try to tell him that I would do anything for him but he said it isn’t fair bc it takes him barely any time to cum while it takes me forever.

He did say that I don’t communicate enough about what I want during sex, and I admitted he’s right about that (I def do moan tho I’m not like completely silent, I’m just not saying words).

I tried explaining that it’s hard because I can tell when he isn’t into what he’s doing. Then I start worrying about how long I’m taking or whether he’s bored, which takes me completely out of the moment and how women’s orgasms are psychologically as much as physical. I asked him to please read and do research, again silence.

I tried really hard to reassure him that I’m attracted to him and that him being there makes everything better for me. I don’t want a vibrator instead of him. I want him involved and I just want to be satisfied. But I mostly got silence.

When I told him he seemed to be taking everything I said horribly, he responded, “Yeah, why wouldn’t I? You’re telling me all the ways I’m not good enough.” I tried explaining that wasn’t what I was saying, but nothing seemed to land.

The conversation eventually went beyond sex. I told him I need reassurance emotionally too and that sometimes I just need to hear that he loves me. Again, silence.

He told me he feels “numb inside.” I asked if he would ever consider therapy and he said no.

Honestly, my heart really hurts. I talked my heart out and feel like I got very little in return. I know him well enough to know this probably won’t be brought up again unless I bring it up.