I want to

I want to kill myself. But I am not brave enough to do it, I get these waves of suicidal thoughts where I consider doing it but I'm scared. But what if I stop being scared and I DO do it? I dont want to hurt the people around me by ending my life but I keep thinking about doing it. I know how to do it. My ex girlfriend broke up with me and has a new boyfriend, but I still love her and without her I am nothing. I feel like I struggle alot more with suicidal ideation but ugh. I'm sorry if this is not valid.