Getting this out

I really want to get this out of me otherwise I feel like mera dimag phat jaye ga.

So I'm 21f 21-22 ab to apni umer bhi yaad ni rheti. And I'm not enrolled in any uni or have any skills.

My parents asked me every year after my intermediate to give mdcat as they couldn't afford any other universities dues and all the other expenses. And I gave mdcat cause I feel like being the eldest its my responsibility to fulfill my parents dream even if they weren't mine.

I gave mdcat every year after my intermediate and tbh I gave it my all and scored good to but this country's system

Even after getting 90+ percentage and all I'm still stuck in life.

The main reason why I'm saying all this. This year my younger sister got done with intermediate and she is thinking of getting admission and her marks are not that great to get admission in government universities. And my parents never said anything to her about her low marks whereas I was always called out even if I got 92-93% like 95% ziada achy the. And I made this thing my whole life always topped in class got 90% plus marks. But still a loser in life Ik marks don't guarantee anything but they were my whole personality so ranting about those.

And now my parents aren't even saying my sister k we can't afford private university and your expenses they are like theek h jhan admission lena h le lo.

And it hurts it really hurts. 3-4 years of my life just to fulfill their dreams and then if I say anything k ap us ka private q krwa re us ko khen kuch entrance exams ki tiyari to kre shaid government m ho jaye and all I get back is "tum q peeche par gayi ho" And "why are you getting insecure or jealous of your own sister"

And the way my younger siblings behave I feel like I'm loser in life. Like I'm not eldest at least some respect. I don't even feel a member of my own family..

I'm really tired and exhausted that I'm this close to ending it all ⚰...