Day 1.. again

My mom died 6 days ago and I’ve drank all 6 of those days. Nothing crazy, but enough to make stopping again seem difficult. I go back to work tomorrow so this was the day I told myself I’d stop. My youngest son has baseball practice tonight so you’d think that would keep me occupied and make it easier.. yet I’m already stressing about staying sober this evening. I think I’m scared to have to process her death rather than pretend it didn’t happen. I’m no stranger to grief.. I’m only 34 and have already lost my brother, my stepdad, and now my mom. I have no one left on my mom’s side. (I do still have my dad, stepmom and step/half siblings, but I lost my only full blood brother) and then had to process the death of my stepdad and mom without him. I feel so angry and so robbed. I think I’m just posting this to get some of my thoughts out, and maybe find others who understand. I will not be drinking today, but I’m not looking forward to it.