Full of regret

Picture this as a man, you're in primary school , there's these pretty girl , smart always neatly dressed who you like , says goodbyes in the evening brought snacks for you , I was in boarding she wasn't ,that itself was love

We cleared pri school and got separated ,they moved out of town ,no phones at the time but I couldn't get her out of my mind ,miraculously met after a few years after ,a mutual friend posted me on my birthday and she reached out

Comes uni we both secured places me UoN , her KU, life was good dates the moments we had unforgettable, I felt loved 😍 we were full of hopes and dreams I knew I was going yo marry, acha kwanza nilie🥲🥲, I would do anything to have that back walahii

Now here's where things fall apart , I'm struggling with finances, with a terminally ill relative , my dad who was the bread winner was drowning in alcohol, I couldn't even raise the fee I had to defer for a while nikatafte a hustle trying to keep my dream alive

On the other side things were good on her , govt working parents and a siz who's abroad, our lives were the direct opposite, she went on to graduate, mind you , I was a year ahead of her

Barely a year after her family starts a biz for her part of the family business, she's doing good , vacations, trying out different new things she's doing all the things we had planned to do just without me this time, mimi I was struggling couldn't even pay my rent my family is still depending on me

I begin feeling like she's far well off without me , I'm a looser , I failed her .Ama I was just envious, lakini on God i was so insecure, although she was everything I always wanted in woman , I was feeling like she was out of my class, although she reassured me she still loves me in my head I had already created a whole different thought, I just felt like I wast enough

Thing we're never the same , I initiated a break up left her for the dumbest reason 😪, made her cry , broke her heart, I think if there's anyone she hates the most in this word its me

It haunts me , I'll never heal not in 20 years , some nights I sob. I think I should at least say sorry , what if she moved on? What next?

I've tried relationships nothing substantial has ever come out of them

Somebody Help Meeeeeee