It makes me so sad and jealous seeing families with little boys

Just saw some woman doing a gender reveal and it’s a boy. And it reminded me of how it devastates me how it could never be me. How my documents say F, how my birth certificate says it, how the thing they put around your wrist when you’re born to identify you says girl, how everything from my past says she she girl girl, how my own language is so gendered and I can never tell some people that I’m a trainknee so I’m just a freak girl to them. It feels like I’ll never get rid of it I’ll never escape it. I have just realised that I physically cannot look at young boys or women pregnant with a boy. It’s something I never fucking was, it pains me to see that I had to be a part of this 1%, I had to be born like that. Terfs saying shit doesn’t even feel bad, but this is what does in my case. Just the reality I can’t change and couldn’t change even if I knew much much earlier. Even if I knew at 3yo I’d still be wrong. I wish I were cis, I wish there could be something to fix me to make me cis