Mid-30s, married 16 years — when does a dead bedroom become a reason to leave?

I’m in my mid-30s and I’ve been married for 16 years. We got together young, built a life together, have kids, and I’ve always tried to be a good husband, father, and provider.

Our bedroom has basically been dead for almost a year. No sex, barely any physical affection, and honestly, I don’t feel wanted anymore.

I work my ass off every day and she’s a stay-at-home mom. I provide for our family and pretty much let her spend what she wants. But I also understand being home, taking care of the kids and handling the house is work too. That’s why even on weekends I’ll clean and cook to give her a break and take some of the load off her.

Even her friends have told her they wish they had a man who provides and does the things I do. Maybe that means absolutely nothing. Sometimes I wonder if I created part of this problem myself by making her too comfortable or always taking care of everything. I really don’t know anymore.

I’m not saying providing, cleaning, cooking, or being a good husband means she owes me sex. She doesn’t. I’m saying it because I feel like I’m putting everything I have into our life while one of the biggest things I need from my marriage—intimacy, affection, and feeling desired—is completely gone.

Sometimes I wonder if this is just what happens after being with the same person for 16 years. Do you eventually get bored with each other? Because somehow I’m having the opposite experience. My sex drive feels more alive now than ever.

I’m sexually frustrated as fuck. Sometimes I feel like I just need to fucking nut and release all this frustration. I’ve even had thoughts about finding a one-night stand just to get it out of my system. I know cheating would probably create ten more problems instead of solving this one, but I’m being honest about where my head has started going.

The bigger thing worrying me now is the resentment.

I’m starting to feel bitter toward her. I’ve been rejected and gone without affection for so long that part of me thinks if she suddenly wanted to have sex, I’d probably be the one saying, “Nah, I’m good.”

That’s crazy because sex is exactly what I’ve been wanting. But I don’t want it because she feels guilty, obligated, or because I’ve complained enough. I want my wife to actually want me.

We sleep on opposite sides of the bed, we argue, and sometimes it feels like we’re roommates raising kids together instead of husband and wife.

Then I start wondering: Do I just stick it out until the kids are older or out of school and then bounce? I don’t want to break up my family, especially with kids involved. But I also don’t know if staying miserable and resentful for years is any better for them—or for either of us.

I know I’m not perfect. I’m sure she has her side, and maybe there are things I’m doing or not doing that I’m completely missing. I’m not trying to make myself sound like husband of the year or make her the villain.

I’m just trying to understand how two people can spend 16 years together and somehow end up this disconnected.

For anyone who’s been through this after a long marriage: Does attraction just fade after so many years? Can a dead bedroom actually be fixed once resentment starts setting in? Did you stay because of the kids, or did you eventually decide it was time to leave?