In New York state, does the bank approve the buyer before the purchase contract is drafted?

I am selling a property in Orange County, New York, directly to a prospective buyer without real estate agents.

We agreed on a price on August 28. The buyer says she received a preapproval in May 2026 and has already paid an application fee. However, they have not provided the preapproval letter to me until today.

The buyer’s representative says that, in New York, the bank must first give the buyer an “official green light.” He says only after that happens will the parties retain attorneys, draft and sign the purchase contract, order the appraisal, and conduct the title search.

My understanding is that the normal sequence is:

1. The buyer provides a current preapproval letter.
2. The parties retain attorneys.
3. The seller’s attorney drafts the purchase contract.
4. The buyer signs the contract and provides a contract deposit.
5. The lender orders the appraisal and completes property-specific underwriting and final loan approval.

For those familiar with New York real estate transactions with mortgage, which sequence is correct? Is it normal for a lender to require further approval before either party retains an attorney or a purchase contract is drafted? Also, is it reasonable for a seller to require the preapproval letter before continuing to hold the property for this buyer?

Why the preapproval letter could not be given to me if it really exists?