I'm attracted to men, and want to date women. What the fuck am I? (LONG)

Hi. I currently identify as gay and aroace. I'm attracted to men. But I've been having some issues lately. My friend says it might just be comphet, but I'm not quite sure. That usually affects lesbians or trans men, and I happen to be neither of those.

I'm not attracted to women. The only women I'm attracted to are fictional. But lately, I've been more obsessed with women and I think it might have something to do with my ex. I want to date a woman, and not a man. I'm not attracted to women, I'm attracted to men, but I want to specifically date women and if I search for another partner, I'll likely go for a woman. I've noticed that I've heavily encouraged my partners in the past to be feminine, but I think I'm just attracted to feminine men.

I have an obsession with my ex. A really bad one, caused by OCD and ASPD. I won't go too into that at the moment, but a lot of my attraction centers around things she's done or how she looks or sounds. When I was with her, she identified as a man. She's genderfluid but her gender is very slow in its fluidity, and for the two years we were together, she identified as a he/they/(preferably not she but idc) basically. But she's currently identifying by she/they and unwillingly, my mind hasn't been able to get off of her, and in turn, I think, women.

But if it's not to do with her, what else could it be? I keep fantasizing about a traditional hetslop life with a woman and two kids, but being queer is also a massive part of who I am and I don't want to give that label up. But bisexual or pansexual just doesn't feel right for that. I'm not attracted to both genders, and I don't want to date both genders. Is there even a label out there for that?

I'm entirely aromantic. So it's not some sort of heteroromantic but homosexual thing. I want to have sex with her if I do get with a woman, and I won't be properly romantically attracted to anyone I get with and haven't been (aside from the ex). So I'm really not sure what to think of this. I've been delaying posting this because I'm worried I'm just gonna get some answers telling me to suck up that I'm straight when I'm, by definition, NOT.