40 M from India looking for new friends(build my tribe)

I wrote the following intro of me as DM to someone but then I thought this looks to apt as a separate post since I am also looking to make new friends and build my tribe.

Let me tell you a bit about myself. Though I am very sure this is going to convert into a therapy note. But I can later convert it into my own reddit post/pitch as well(“which I am doing now”).

I am nerdy, eccentric and heavily introverted. I have been into reading books since early age and I still read a lot though my interests have changed quite a bit.

Also I am married and I have a daughter who is 1.5 year old. But I am getting divorced and separated currently. My marriage is a tragic story which shows how less importance is given to self awareness and therapy in our society.

I was always a quirky one and never gelled with people much. But I always used to have 1-2 best friends or cousins with whom I will have deep conversations.

My self awareness journey started quite late. I was always kinda aware but I was never ready to accept myself fully. I did not have the habit to sit with my feelings and listen to what they were trying to tell me. May be I was just afraid to accept myself fully and afraid of society.

Marriage forced me to become self aware slowly but surely. I got married to someone who was very very different from me. It was a love marriage but since I had no idea what I wanted or what I was I ended up marrying someone deeply incompatible.

We started having fights about each and everything since we differed so much in our needs and wants, our communication style. But I still could not figure out that this marriage cannot last and will give us only pain. I kept trying to save it. I kept thinking that there is something wrong in me. Even people around me kept telling me that you are an issue since I have always been eccentric. They had no idea what they are dealing with so they labelled me as high IQ robot who does not care about peoples feelings and only cares about logic and facts. But the fact is I also have feelings, i also get hurt but only with people I get along well with and most of others just are not my type. First of all I am an introvert and introverts are vey less already. On top of that I am a CSA survivor. Early age abuse gave me lots of mental scars and confusion. So I stopped liking normies and started thinking of myself as an intellectual superior. I also was a spoiled child so I became entitled too. I also ended reading Fountainhead when I was 18 so I started thinking of myself as an individualist and most normies as second handers.

All together I got NPD traits. But later I realised that my NPD is nothing but a coping mechanism.

My marriage started falling apart due to not just incompatibilities but also due to my NPD traits. And I started going into guilt spirals thinking I am the reason my marriage is not working and I am making mu wife suffer so much. I wasted so much time in trying to fix myself. Almost 9 years. Though later due to some serendipity I started realising that my traits come out only with certain type of people and not with my tribe. I realised that not everyone can like me and get along with me and thats not a crime. So I started to come out of my guilt trap and started relaxing. Even though serendipity is what helped me come out, it is therapy which helped me sustain it and stopped me from falling in guilt again and again.

So finally I am getting divorce without any guilt.

Now what is left out of me?

The one who has come out is a very confident person who is very comfortable in his own skin for the first time in his life. I am able to enjoy time with myself. I am able to enjoy my quirks. I am way more creative and able to write long without any blockages. Earlier I used to find it frustrating that I was never able to participate in group conversations due to my introversion and lack of interest in small talk. Now if I am sitting with a group and not able to talk I just keep laughing in my mind. I find it so amusing that they want me to engage in small talk and I just refuse flatly with full confidence now.

Do message me here or on DMs if you find me interesting.