I'm not sure how much more of this I can do.

Rather than get better things have worsened. I no longer get around 2-3 broken hours sleep, I'm now not sleeping at all most nights. If I'm very lucky I might get tired around 6am and sleep for an hour but that's become rare.

Things have just got worse and worse over the last 4-5 years but this last year has been the worst . I've had 5hrs sleep (unmedicated) twice in the last 1.5years. At this point I'm just existing.

I can't see a future living this way anymore. What's next, awake for days on end?! I know there are people a lot worse off but it's like I have to keep fighting for help and I'm getting the impression the NHS just doesn't give a 💩, they clearly ran out of ideas long ago and me changing GPs has been another pointless effort as this be one is equally as useless/wanting to pass me onto anther GP with the idea yet another hrt change will fix it... It won't. I've tried hrt for years and I am no better. A blood test won't fix my night sweats either and it's certainly not going to prevent them from keeping me awake whilst I wait yet another 2 weeks for the blood test, plus more for the results.. I'm just supposed to suffer for weeks on end between pointless appointments where I'm not even listened to or prescribed anything other than Zopiclone that just gives me rebound insomnia!

Maybe it's a bit 'woe is me' but I don't really have any fight left in me, I'm just flat out exhausted. Yet no matter how exhausted I am I still don't sleep!

I felt a sense of relief today after the idea of getting my affairs in order and calling it a day. However my husband picked up on things immediately after I mentioned getting my will in order. In hindsight I obviously should've just got on with it.

It's been years of this, things only get worse and I don't have the fight left in me, I'm totally exhausted mentally and physically and I just want it to end. I started selling my belongings over a year ago with the idea I'll just get rid of all much stuff as I can so ppl aren't burdened with my stuff and I could also pay for my own funeral, I should've stuck with that plan.

Maybe I'm weak, maybe I'm stupid for not figuring out this hrt stuff, I can't even say if I'm better or worse on it.. either way I can't see a future like this the person I used to be has disappeared.