For Avoidants: How do you feel the about your ex months after you told them you never want them back again?

Can you tell me how you felt after a break up as an avoidant? Me and my ex broke up some months ago but both wanted to eventually start a relationship again after 1 year. I respected her wish for her to be more on her own. But after two-ish months of no real progression towards her working on her problems she had in the out relationship I got fed up with it and vented about it on Reddit. She eventually read all of it and was butthurt and cried a lot.

In the beginning of August she told me she doesnt ever want to get back together because she was so hurt by me venting about her on Reddit. I was hurt but respected her wish again. I asked her wether she thinks we should stay friends, she said I dont know and asked me how I felt about it and I pulled the rug from under her and cut her off everywhere. Before that I had often the feeling she kinda wanted to hate me for what I said about her on Reddit and to her directly, but it felt like she struggled being angry at me cause she would ask wether I had finished x y movie or series that we started together implying she would like to still watch it with me.

After going NCish ( she moved out in May but still had some stuff here so I couldnt block her) she would from now make excuses why she couldnt pick up her belongings. I know from her that she is hooking up with different guys on dating apps. I wonder how she is feeling about me/us and if she is really that certain to never get back together. Even though I know the break up is for the better, at least for me, because she was really emotionally immature but I cant deny I still miss her a lot and wished she would reach out and say all the things I wanted to hear months and months ago in our relationship.

She used to tell me I was her home and her souldmate. She regulary still watches my stories mostly within minutes. I try not to breadcrumb via stories but I actually do. :/

If you have been in similiar situations please let me know how you as an avoidant experienced it. Thanks in advance!