my dad isnt dead. He’s just lazy, a cunt, an asshat, ignorant and a cheater.

my mom might as well been a single parent for most of my childhood, he was there *sometimes*. probably off having 9 other kids. 9 kids!! not including me btw. and probably counting. 

my plight started about 7/6 years ago when I came out as transgender. he said no. like straight up no. fym no 😭 he wasn’t very happy. the main thing that stuck out was him saying “\_\_\_\_ has a great body, as she’s just gonna throw it away”. that shit really fucked with me. it still does. We argued about it, but I eventually gave up.

I probably should’ve seen it coming, my parents are Caribbean and a lot aren’t too fond of gays. it’s getting better, but there’s still a sentiment. they have a whole ass song about burning a gay guys car (it’s a banger tho icl 🤷🏾‍♂️). ironically, my moms side in Jamaica is very supportive, they keep telling me they will get me high when I come.

i just want a dad. someone who’ll take me under his wing and teach me on how to be a strong, proper man. a dad who I can cry to, who’ll pat me on my back saying “I’m proud of you, son” instead of telling me he’ll give me something to cry about. and It makes me feel so depressed knowing that I can’t just magically have a better dad.

but don’t feel too bad. I’m around 10 months on testosterone. my arms look really big now. I’ve been getting hairier and stronger, it’s great.

food: coconut curry with pork chops. it was pretty good despite how it looks. all homemade by yours truly.

I want a dad again.