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Uncertainty about death was always a thought buried in the back of my mind. I was always  curious about  what happened when we died. Memories of my attitude toward death came in fragments, like when I was five crying because I didn’t want my parents to go to heaven or hell. Or when I was eight scrolling on my dad’s computer looking for scientific theories explaining  life after death. I was frustrated when I couldn’t find a concrete answer. But the time I remember most is being in India when I was twelve for a relative's funeral. We were standing on the terrace of my grandmother’s house when I asked my dad what happens when we die; a question that I had asked him plenty of times before but his answer this time was the only thing that gave me temporary closure. “Do you see all the stars up there? It’s all your relatives who have passed that now watch over you.” There was nothing special about his answer on its own, but it was his sincerity that made me stop talking and just look at the sky with him on that night of mourning. Every time I asked my dad about death, he would tell me what I wanted to hear but on that night,  the answer he gave felt like what he genuinely believed.  
This encounter with my dad was eventually forgotten as I entered secondary school and life got in the way. But sometimes during the busiest times of my life, unease about death came to me  during the quiet moments I had to myself, reminding me how temporary everything in our life was. These feelings forced me to perceive the present more seriously than I needed to. This added pressure to my life and I began to put too much thought into mundane things. But this focus ultimately allowed me to have an appreciation for the valuable moments in my life, knowing that they were meaningful because they wouldn’t last. While this mindset made me fearful of loss, it also taught me to appreciate  the present, the way you do when you try to etch each moment into your memory because you know it is fleeting. I became grateful for all the people in my life because no matter how endless my time with them felt, it was ultimately finite.  
One night, I remember watching a television show and the topic of death popped up in a conversation between two characters. One of the characters asked their friend about their take on what happens after death. What followed was the friend's beautiful speech about how our bodies return to the universe when we die. It made me relive the night with my dad and I realized that all this time what scared me about death was that I viewed it as an end. Not knowing what death was like was the scary part but imagining being a star after I pass and returning to the universe brought me comfort. The way that the character answered brought comfort to her friend mirrored the night with my dad as the beauty and sincerity of both their answers were tied to the stars. 

I always believed that when I found an answer  it would be something I formulated on my own. The memory with my dad  taught me not to chase concrete answers, but instead, seek answers that give me comfort. Comfort helps us live with the unknown.  At that moment I was okay with his answer that was subject to change as my values grew with me. I know that these thoughts will come back to me every now and then but I can  now acknowledge that my fear isn’t irrational. Although this is my own philosophy, faith in our beliefs is what ties us all together.