i’ve been eating everything they put in front of me / tell me to eat at res which is good but causing major anxiety. what my mom said made it worse.

i deal with extreme hunger whenever i try to recover, so even though i don’t want to eat what they give me, my body shovels it in my mouth before i can even think about it.

i feel like a lot of people think that people with anorexia or restrictive eating disorders don’t eat. I restrict what I eat ofc, but I don’t just… not eat. So here it’s either eat what’s in front of you or don’t eat/ get replacement. I always eat because i’m so hungry (i never lost my hunger cues, but at home i could distract/ suppress better as well as have my safe foods), but after eating is what gets me. I usually end up calling my mom sobbing about how im so hungry and don’t know how to deal with it and how im going to gain so much weight because i keep eating everything they give me and im still hungry but i want my safe foods to fill up on. I was also telling her that it feels like im the only one who actually finishes meals other than the people that have been here a long time, to which she said “it’s because their disorder is making them not eat. you’re not as sick as them and that’s a good thing”.

I mean, she’s not wrong and i honestly don’t think she had any ill intent as she has been very supportive, but not feeling sick enough is already something i really struggle with. i’m not underweight and i don’t have any major medical complications.

Do you think i want to eat the high ass calorie meals they’re giving me? absolutely not. but my biology is starting to fight with my eating disorder and my eating disorder is losing and i’m gaining weight when im already at a normal weight in a short, stout body type that i already hate. and now im reminded that im not that sick. there are already so many reasons i feel not sick enough, but now hearing it from another person just makes it that much more true.

i’ve been eating everything they put in front of me / tell me to eat at res which is good but causing major anxiety. what my mom said made it worse.