When is it the perfect time ?

i can sit here and tell you my whole sad sorry life and that still wouldn’t put me in position to even gain the mental capacity to remain calm and not have suicidal thoughts . i can give up right now as i type this but what about my son? what’s about my siah bean? what can ppl say to him like “ yeah she was crazy “ “ she just didn’t wanna be a parent any more “ she took the easy way out “. i don’t want to be anything anymore . a human being. i’d rather give up my whole life i have now to be a new ant that gets stepped on every day . i’m facing homelessness, i gotta kiss DPSCD ass to keep a job , i can’t have a voice but i know for a fact im treated as shit i can’t even fake it anymore . i’ve tried . i’ve tried .i’ve tried shit i’m fucking pregnant too . i want to keep seeing what life got for me but no 25 years is enough. i’ve haven’t been happy for 20 years . that’s a long time . a fatherless child because he father was sexually attracted to her , little girl growing up mad cause she’s faced homelessness since 7 , can’t seem to keep anything together my life is falling apart . i don’t dwell on my past at all i chuck that shit up but baby the devil got me rn. major choke hold he’s winning yall.