SI after confession

Trigger warning for suicidal ideation.

I just saw a TikTok from a Catholic creator saying the best case scenario for a Catholic after confession is to trip and die to go to heaven. It was shocking to me to see a joke being made about this because as a teen I would go to confession all the time (I was suffering deeply with scrupulosity) and pray that I’d be in a car accident or something. After a lot of therapy and deconstruction I’ve grown to understand this as passive suicidal ideation. I kind of felt alone in this as nobody I’ve talked to has shared that experience with me. But now I’m wondering if this was similarly joked about or discussed in subtle ways when I was a kid. I guess this is me wondering did or does anyone else struggle with thoughts like this? Do you find it talked about in your communities?

I’m thinking maybe we need to have a discussion about how SI and other mental health concerns can take on religious language and thus not be seen as issues to address. What are your thoughts?